BRoKEY McPoVERTY: Response to a Random Reader re: Rape
how bout that alliteration, huh?
so, someone left a comment on the ‘rape responsibility’ piece that ran at Uptown Mag. i wanted to share it here because i think it’s a great example of the teaching moments that pop up during such an uncomfortable discourse.
women: share when you can and when…
@brokeymcpoverty, maybe I am overreacting, but as a victim, I have to say that is the scariest shit that I have ever read and I would not be surprised if he has not thought of doing that shit himself at one time, all the time and maybe even right now…
@ChoklitGemini - you’re not over-reacting at all, not in the least. your response to a comment like that is normal and expected, especially having once been a victim yourself. i’d be just as outraged/alarmed, if i didn’t know the guy who said it.
this comment came from a good friend of mine—smart as a whip, very talented, wouldnt hurt a fly. our personal friendship gives me an advantage in evaluating the comment—where id normally say “man this dude is just lost and wrong,” i have references that allow me to say, “this is what happens when men arent equally educated on rape and statistics.”
this brings me to a very difficult thing: patience and the benefit of the doubt. rape is one of those things, along with religion, abortion, and race, that nearly instantly make people defensive, and defensiveness, though it may be warranted/understandable, is what prevents constructive dialogue from happening, i think. with race, the majority doesn’t want to look like a bunch of racists, so they’re on the defensive, and the minority doesn’t want to look like a bunch of weak, whining race-card players. with rape, men don’t want to look like rapists/chauvinists/bad guys, and women don’t want to look like inept, irresponsible, tawdry little temptresses. it’s very polarizing.
just as hard as it can be for a guy to say “there is a lot i don’t know about rape, and some of my thoughts and opinions may be flawed. i probably hold some hurtful views because i just dont understand what its like to walk in a woman’s shoes. im ignorant right now, and i want to shut up long enough for you to try and tell me what it’s like and teach me;” it can equally as hard for a woman to say, “the man sitting across from me saying all these seemingly sexist, hurtful, ignorant things could just be a victim of the same structure i am. patriarchy corrupts men too. it’s possible that his male privilege just isn’t letting him see my side. all he can talk about is what he knows, and he doesnt know what women go though. i want to be patient and help educate him.” and all this is understandable.
but, this is, i think, what has to happen for men and women to come to understand each other on this topic. now clearly, if it was that easy it would have been done by now. but, it’s something to work towards and aspire to. of course, im only able to say this because i know the man that said it; i guess what im saying is when we get the opportunity to teach those in our lives what it’s like to be us, we should take it and try, no matter how frustrating it can be. if we’re ready. there’s no rush.
im particularly grateful for his comment because i know he’s capable of thinking differently. we can’t stop rape, but we can try to create teaching moments and at least reach the minds of the ears we have access to.
peace to you lady. i know what you’re going through.
